Day 37: Today, Eat and Run!

Another funny one. And always remember if you really are going to do that, think about the consequence and of course Jessie is not responsible for any crime or anything like that. What was that I was watching about? Hmm, Drop Dead Diva. In a song a female singer say how she’s gonna get revenge on her ex by doing with to his car to cause an accident. Then a fan did that because of that song, so the ex sued the singer for solicitation. Not 100% sure this is the word, but I think so. It just means the song encouraged the fan to endanger the ex’s life. And believe it or not, the judge agreed that the ex can sued the singer for that. Anyways, it turned out another story, but there’s a bit too far even for someone who can really digress like me. Haha.

 

Here’s what it says on the book: Today, eat and run.

Runner etiquette:

1Wait until the coffee course, particularly if there is a set menu.

2. Do not leave your date behind, unless you are sure it is the last time you wish to see them.

3. Do not start actually “running" until you are outside the restaurant.

4. Do not select the heaviest item on the menu. Running on a bouillabaisse is medically inadvisable.

5. Beginners and the shy: Do a practice “runner" before ordering any food.

 

Well, I did eat and walk away today, but, of course my sister was there paying the bill. Haha. I remember long long time ago I went to a noodle stand or something like that and I just left after I finished, totally forgot to pay. Or was that the time when I went with my friend and we both thought that the other people paid? Well, when I was working in Grand Hyatt Hotel long long time ago, we did have some guest left without paying. Sometimes it’s really odd that we had to run after the guest to ask them to pay. It’s really embarrassing for both sides, in my opinion. Most of the time they just totally forgot or thought other people would have paid.

 

So that’s today’s task. Haven’t written for many days cause I have been quite confused and not sure if I want to write things like that here. Especially when I was really down and the words, the thoughts were just too negative and it’s difficult to explain. Now I can write because I feel a bit better, not as good as before but so much better and I can’t explain how and why that happened.

 

I would say the long weekend we had last week was pretty good even though I had to teach two days, not like most people have four days off. And my first class was pretty good. Students were great and I had a good time. However, on Thursday, everything just went wrong. I went to the class and couldn’t find my students. They had to cancel the class but probably because they were busy, they forgot to tell me. I thought I felt okay, but perhaps not. I went home and managed to put together something I wanted to post online for quite a long time. I posted it and prepared my class for the night then went to work.

 

The class didn’t go well. Normally it was pretty fun and relaxing but that night, not sure it was me or students, it was actually a bit depressing. Or perhaps I was too depressed to do well in class? I don’t know. I didn’t think I was in a bad mood. Actually I tried hard as usual but students just didn’t respond the way I wanted or perhaps I didn’t try that hard? I have no idea. All I know was that I was so depressed after class that I kept asking myself what was wrong.

 

I walked home from the MRT station that night. It took about 35-40 minutes. I didn’t really count. I do that when I want to exercise a bit or clear my mind. That night was the latter. It didn’t work that well. Most of the time, as I was closer to my home, I walked faster and happier. I think exercise can bring you happiness a lot of time or at least ease your mind. But not that night. My steps were heavier and heavier as I walked close home. Then by the time I got home, I just couldn’t hold my tears anymore. Or perhaps I cried on my way home? It doesn’t matter. I was so sad, so pessimistic and I felt that my whole world, my whole life collapsed overnight.

 

I’ve been taking sleeping pills for my sleeping problem and I know it affect my speaking ability. There’s no coincidence. It’s not that easy to tell when I teach a conversation class cause I don’t have to talk for a long time and the vocabulary I use is easier most of the time. However, in a writing class, a lot of time I have to talk  a lot, give a lot of examples, write down synonyms and antonyms on the board. It is a bit challenging and it’s for sure after so many years, that I know if I take a sleeping pill, I won’t speak fluently and I often have difficulty spelling the words and I just don’t perform well as I would like to. So that night I decided not to take a pill. It’s not a good idea. I was crying my eyes out and I just couldn’t help thinking how terrible a teacher I was even though deep inside I knew I have always tried my best, well, at least the best I could at that time in the class. But my mind won’t reason with me.

 

That’s why I am not sure if it’s a good idea to write things like this here. It’s public. Everyone reads my blog knows what and how my life is going on. Not sure if anyone really cares but most important is that is this really a good idea? I’m honest and I always speak my mind. Well, most of the time 90% if not 99%. It brings me trouble sometimes. Not every like to hear truth,  most people don’t like it when you complain and sadly, a lot of them don’t even care, so I’ve learned. I try to share some happy news instead of sad news. Then I’m confused. I always want to be me, to be who I am. I don’t want to put a mask on my face, so my friend, my students only see my happy face. We are all humans and we all have feelings. Why can’t I just say whatever I want to say in my blog. This is my blog. Sigh. Or is it? Showing your vulnerability sometimes make people easier make advantage of you.

 

It happened a few times in the past that my friends used the words I said here, or I told them when I was down or hurt, then they just mocked me or took advantage in some not very nice way. I hate that. Who wouldn’t? So what’s something I can do now? I am the kind of person, a terrible kind, I have to admit that I have to speak my mind or I won’t stop, or I won’t feel better. Feel crying again, and a lot of time recently.

 

Last night, I wad doing dishes and accidentally dropped one of my favorite mug, the Twin Star. I drank quite a lot of coffee every morning and waited for a long time and I got my favorite blue mug. When it fell and broke down into pieces, I just couldn’t help, start to cry like a baby. Can’t explain the sadness I have in my mind. It seems like it’s always there and just waiting for the right time to run out and have some fun.

 

Next week will be a super busy week, if I have time I’ll try to show up and say hi, if not, then might have to excuse me for a few days. Which might not be a bad thin considering how confused. my eyes are closing . this is a good sign. Good night.

 

最後因為有點問題,所以不斷改版,搜尋不到喜歡又不用付錢的。認真看啊,呵呵。不用太認真,看不懂最好:)    Have a good day

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